The Fat Just Walks Away!

Ah, January 1. Tis the season to make all those stupid resolutions, "I'm going to join a gym, exercise two hours a day, and eat only cottage cheese and celery to get the holiday pounds off!!!" Yeah, too bad we don't have Adipose Industries to help the fat walk away. I mean, take a pill a day and lose a kilo? How sweet is that?

Instead of Adipose Industries, in the real world we're inundated with a shit-ton of commercials beginning the day after Christmas. We have Janet Jackson solemnly telling us how terrible it's been and how she's eating Nutrisystem pre-packed foods. Marie Osmond's still shilling for them too. Mariah Carey's hawking Jenny Craig, showing off her post-baby body. Weight Watchers is guilty also, trying to lure us in with Jennifer Hudson. Rumor has it Weight Watchers is courting Jessica Simpson with a multi-million dollar deal after she gives birth.

As for the pill-pushers we need look no further than Snooki and Holly Madison. I just saw some NV commercial while watching "Stepbrothers" on FX. Holly's strutting her stuff, rubbing her ass, and look at her, all skinny and shit. Whoo. Hoo. And for some odd reason Snooki's selling some sort of miracle diet pill in the back of Self magazine...SELF!!! A magazine that claims to promote healthy lifestyles accepts advertising from a crap diet pill.

Quite honestly, I hate that we're bombarded with celebrity endorsements for weight loss products. You cannot tell me they don't have personal trainers on speed dial or chefs to dish out portion-controlled meals. Do we really think Mariah would eat that crap Jenny Craig calls food? Does Janet simply pull a microwave meal out of a freezer and hit the +30 second button? Is Jennifer really weighing and measuring her food herself?

Bullshit. Yeah, I'm calling it. Bullshit.

Even though I'm sick and tired of the other commercials of real people showing off their success, at least they're real people. They aren't perfect; they don't have all the niceties celebrities can afford. They possibly paid for a few sessions with a personal trainer at the local YMCA or had a back-up Lean Cuisine entrees for a quick portion-controlled lunch.

All these commercials make me want to punch these celebrities in the throat.

Gosh, just imagine if the fat could just walk away...

If you're not a Doctor Who watcher, those little creatures are Adipose babies. Aren't they cute?

Yeah, I Know...

I'm one of those bloggers who completely and utterly slacked off. Honestly? I burned out. During the summer I traveled to Ohio for my sister-in-law's wedding, to Las Vegas for an informal high school reunion (and bought Chanel's Peridot and a handful of Island Girl polishes), and to California to visit my parents (not a fun visit; I'm trying to get them to get their shit together estate-planning wise). My tweenager started middle school, my husband traveled to San Diego and Taiwan for work (7 weeks in Taiwan!). And I just went, "Blerg."

Oddly enough, things are coming together. I started going to therapy again for ADHD issues. I got a script for ADHD meds and I just started yesterday. I hope to get my act together and get some weight off this middle-aged body. And while my husband was gone, the Kiddo and I fell helplessly into the time vortex that's known as Doctor Who.

Rose Tyler and Nine. Wish he'd stayed longer even if Ten is my Doctor. Nine was rather bad-ass and the leather jacket? Yes, please!

So why am I mentioning Doctor Who? Why am I using an image of Nine and Rose? What the hell am I going on about?

Well...I had an idea, an epiphany if you will, whilst showering the other night. There are polish collections fashioned around movies like Shrek and Pirates of the Carribean. China Glaze is issuing a Hunger Games collection (kind of a head scratcher if you ask me, considering the dystopian nature of the series). OPI's paired with Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj for collections (and I saw the Nicki Minaj collection yesterday and I found it yawn-worthy). So why not create a collection for Doctor Who?

For my upcoming series I have a set of guidelines for myself:

• I'm only doing the new series, not Classic Who. I'm not familiar enough with Classic Who.
• Except Sarah Jane. She was in enough New Who to warrant an article.
• All polishes must be in my current collection.
• All polishes must be easy to find...well, I'm making an exception for one particular polish but it's China Glaze.

Also, I'm going to branch out with Pet Fur. It's not going to be exclusively about nail polish. Don't get me wrong! I still have a love affair with polish. I picked up two at Rite Aid the other day (I'm rather miffed with this Chameleon polish. It's a gorgeous duochrome but even with a ridge filler the ridges are prominent. What the hell?) and three at Blooming Beauty (two OPI's and a Zoya). I'm anxiously awaiting my Models Own Beetlejuice collection to arrive from the UK. But I want to document other stuff like embarking on ADHD meds, hopefully joining a running group at the YMCA, and going on Weight Watchers for the 1,500 time next week (dudes, I want to go to Outback Steakhouse and nom the hell out of their smashed potatoes!).

I'm going to get a bit more personal...